Flowing like the Nile

What's up players? Hope things have been goin good for you guys, because the only things flownin nicely over here have been coming out of my ass.  

As you could probably tell by the last couple posts, things could be going better for your ol' friend Boosh.  As a matter of fact, I didn't think it could be going any worse.  Boy did I underestimate the bad luck power 2011 is bringing.

If you read the drivel below this, you most likely know I busted my knee again.  Now, when I tore my shit up I had to wait 4 days to go the doctor.  In the mean-time, my dad brought me over some black market pain killers, provided by one of his friends who'd gotten quite a few back surgeries.  It was a smorgasbord of pills in a bag.  His friend wrote me a note which described the pills inside.  Round white was somas and the regular pill shape was vicodin. The dark horse were some basketball shaped orange pills with S1 on them, which he described as "low strength morphine."

I ended up letting most of the pills sit there, until it was just the "morphine" left.  About two weeks after I originally hurt that bastard of a knee I tweaked it again.  I figured I'd take about 4 of those low grade painkillers and just pass out, so that's what I did.  What I woke up in the morning to was something out of a horror film.

Now, I'm no stranger to sitting on the toilet.  Nobody is.  But what I'm a stranger to is sitting on the toilet 15 times a day, which is what happened when I woke up.  I looked up the pills online and, turns out, I had taken an elephant size dose of laxatives, bred to treat extreme constipation.  It was hell on earth.  I left the house for two days after that armed with an industrial sized roll of TP, should the moment strike when I least expected.  

Turns out, it did.  I was lucky enough to avoid a street dooks, but I did make the mistake of going out to a friend's party that night.  It was at a bar filled with skateboarders which, as you know, don't really take kindly to following the hiegeine norm.  After 3 trips to the bathroom, and waiting for the only toilet to clear out, I decided two things.  Never take a pill without properly checking up on it and never going outside after you've OD'd on laxatives.  I sure hope February holds some different luck because, as of now, I am 100% shit out of luck.  Figuratively and literally. 

Lohhhd, if you're listening.... Hellllppppp!!!!

What's up Players?  Well, it finally happened.  Seems like that A-Bomb I was talking about last time wasn't one full of knowledge.  Turns out it was full of shit, because since it blew up I've been forehead deep.  The levees have finally broke, and they buried me in the mess.  2011 sure as hell ain't been the year of Boosh. 

For starters my woman finally came to her senses and gave me the boot.  She's been threatening it for a while but I guess something I did fried a microchip inside her, because I was outta there faster then you could say "Boosh leave."  Now this was pre-arranged to be one of those "trial separation" deal, but two days later she called the whole mess off.  I got thrown off of that ride real quick like.  Now, normally you'd think that I could bounce back real quick from that, which I did sort of.  The thing I bounced off of though was my knee, and landed in the hospital. 

Turns out I completely tore my ACL and meniscus.  Now, when Bill Murrays girlfriend left him in Stripes, Harold Ramis told him "Hey, you still got your health!"  Well, I don't.  I gotta get surgery.  The only thing that's gonna come out of that one is some killer pain meds.  But that will only last a few days before I get sick of them.  So not only will I be single and depressed, but I'll be bedridden as well.  So basically, I'm gonna be assed out.  

You won't see be seine Boosh trollin for ladies out there on the streets, because I can't walk.  And you aren't going to see him doing that same thing on the internet, because I don't even want to.  All in all, I can say things have been better.  I gotta get some wheels, man.  Maybe a sweet 80 something honda.  Or maybe thats shooting too high.  I should probably just get myself a wheelchair so I can roll my ass into some on-coming traffic.  I'll keep you guys updated.

Hey, you guys hiring?? Im serious!!

What's up players?!? It's been a while since I dropped the A-Bomb of knowledge all up on ya, but holy shit, the clouds have opened and let loose a shit storm on my life.

If you read the last thing I wrote on here then you know I finished another semester of school.  In my life, I've done a fair amount of things that I'm not too proud of, but I have to say that this semester is up there on my list.  You can only fuck off for so long before the big dog comes and bites you right on the ass.  The only good thing I've got goin for me school wise is that they don't have my correct address.  Someone's gonna get some unsatisfactory grades, but it sure as hell ain't gonna be me.

Speaking of not knowing my grades, my fuckin internets been cut off.  Either the son of a bitch next door moved, or he finally figured out I was scamming his shit, because I'm out.  No more email, no more Facebook, and definitely no more tuggin' hog mid-day when there's nothing else to do.

I hope anyone who's reading this remembers the day before the internet existed.  I sure as hell do.  It was a time of soul and dumpster searching.  Mostly for self restraint and discarded porno mags, in that order.  You know how hard it is to get one out without the internet?  It can be done if you have Cinemax, but I'm running on basic cable and HBO right now.  There's a show called "Pornicopia" but between edited shots, there's always a dude poppin up blabbing about what life is like in the porno industry.  Man, could I care less.  Do people actually watch the show to hear some guys insight on banging a dozen broads a week?  I sure hope not. 

Needless to say, I've gotta pull some shit together before I really start sailin' down shit creek.  I've been looking for a job but most of these places want you to start working before 10 in the morning.  What do I look like, some sort of machine?  There's a line to cross, and that line is firmly set at 11:50 AM.  But if you're reading this and are looking some someone, give the ol' Boosh a holler.  I've had a lot of things going for me in my day, but as of now "pride" ain't one of them.  So hit me with whatever you got, because  I've got about a week and a half left before my ass gets das boot back to Long beach.