I wrote this for the most recent issue of Transworld, not knowing it was supposed to just be a few bullet points. In case the two of you who check this want to read it, here it is.
I definitely don’t want to bust any bubbles over here, but I’m going to start this thing with a sobering fact: skateboarding does not pay very well. I mean sure, your P-Rod’s and your Shecklers are probably putting away healthy “dividends” in something called a “savings” account, at the end of each month, are on “good terms” with their “accountants,” and even most likely pay their “taxes” on “time,” but for the rest of us, it’s days of chump change and the joy of working in an industry that represents what you love: skateboarding. Maybe another thing you love, as a result, is drinking. Or, as we call it in the biz, “going out.” Now I'm not sure if I am an "expert" on this subject, but I've sure as hell “snuck” into enough places and “drank” more than “enough” free booze to explain how this process works.
First off, the key to getting in is attitude. You have to act like you belong there even if you've been banned for peeing on people's legs on the dance floor. (True Story) The key to creating this false sense of purpose is booze. However, this could backfire on you. If you're the type of person who starts slurring around his third Bartles and Jaymes, you might want to just skip the whole party altogether, because you're getting drunk tonight!
Now as long as you've got your attitude and a buzz the only other thing you need to bring is stickers. You may not need these but they sure do come in handy if there is a specific wristband you need to be inside the party. For some reason, people tend to rip those things off and throw em' on the ground immediately after walking out of the door. Now you can go pick one up, sticker it on and boom, you've already been in. The security they hire at these parties are usually world-weary ex quarterbacks with better things to do than babysit some drunken skaters with delusions of Weezy-like grandeur, so as long as you appear to belong there, janky sticker job on your wristband or not, you’re good with them.
Say there is no wristbands though, and only a list to get in. What do you do then? This is where the buzz/confidence thing comes into play. You have to march up to the person working the list and tell them your name. Now, while they are looking for your name that is not on that list, you have to look at the list and find a name that is not crossed off/marked yet. When they tell you that your name is not on there you just casually tell them "Oh really? It's probably under…" and tell them the name you saw. Now you're Daniel Castillo, going in to drink for free! (Sorry Daniel!)
If both of these don't work you're going to have to either sneak in unseen, which is fairly difficult, or just blend in with a big crowd of people that have got their golden ticket in there. I made it into the Fantasy Factory once with Jake Brown and the Sk8 Mafia without them knowing I was even with them. Being stealth is key! I’m talking ninja skills and ill hand gestures. My motto is: if you’re planning on doing you, posse up. Roll in with a crew and ditch that dead weight before they even notice you. But stay close, keep an eye on them, because this brings us to our easiest step: Bottle service at a stranger’s table. Pour your drinks strong, drink them fast, and get then hell out of there! This is a rarity though, and we'll leave bottle service and move on to more difficult steps.
So now.. you've made it in. Hopefully it's an open bar because, if not, your broke ass is shit outta luck! There's only a few options in this case and unless you buddy up to the team manager or whoever has the drink tickets, you're going to have to be a complete scumbag. I, as a grown man, can no longer condone using these techniques, but I'll still let you know.
First one is to simply watch for the biggest asshole you can find and tail him to the bar. Stand near him listening and wait until he orders. With luck, at this point he has a tab and doesn't pay cash. If his tab's open listen to the name he uses and then go to a different bartender and order whatever you want on that guy. Make sure you do this to a real prick though, you don't need karma coming back to you later that night. (Also, you can do this if you know someones hotel room if you're at a tradeshow/hotel party)
This one is a little more complicated, and I've only seen it done once because that's how many times you can do it. It's fairly simple but it requires having a now-defunct bank account and the card you used to access that account with. Start a tab with that, buy everyone drinks in the place and bounce out with your card still there. They'll try and run it but not be able to charge you because that account is closed. Be careful though, most places that arn't complete shit-holes scan your cards right when you give it to them, but for some reason it works still.
So there you go. If things go right you'll wake up in the morning without remembering how you got to wherever you are. Good luck!!
