That's it, I'm retired.

Whats up players? It's been a few days since i hollered at ya, but I've been bedridden at the house. Seeing your life flash before your eyes does that to a man.  Things ain't always easy over here.

So anyways, I thought I was gonna die for about a day and a half.  It looked like ol boosh caught his final buzz and was going up to the big bar in the sky.  Turns out I wasn't dying, I was just really really hungover.  

You see, I went out to score some drinkin' money at LA Daves.  When I was walking out of there I saw none other then Bob and Matt in the parking lot.  Turns out they'd been drinking since noon and already had a sweet buzz goin.  Now boosh does a lot of things, but turning down a party ain't one of them.  So we decided to walk on down to Trader Joes and arm ourselves with a couple of sixers.  Since, as you already know, I am a man of classier tastes, I got a couple extra bottles of wine just to even the playing field.  

Turns out, drinking a cheap sixer and couple bottles of two dollar wine doesn't much agree with the body.  I spent the next two days contemplating suicide in between naps.  Once I woke up the only thing I had on my agenda was puking my fucking brains out.  Only then did I realize I had 6 hours to write a paper about Los Angeles before I flunked out of a community college english class.

Needless to say the paper I wrote probably isn't gonna be winning any Pulitzers.  I'm just glad I still remembered how to press send on my email before midnight, because the deadline was 12:01.

All in all, I think that a lesson was learned through all of this.  Sometimes the mind is willing, but the body is weak.  That, and if you see some of your friends drunk at two in the afternoon, it might not be the best decision to go hang out with them after.  

But hey, I'm a man of spontaneity.  You can only dangle that carrot in front of the horse for so long before he goes after it.  I guess that carrot just turned out to be a life changing hangover this time.  I wonder what those guys are doing tomorrow...

Los Angeles department of power is fuckin up!!

Whats up players! It's only been a day since you got hollered at but, believe me when I tell you, a lot of shit can go wrong in 24 hours.

My power went out last night.  I thought that it was the end.  I already explained how it was tough to leave the house, but nothing gets you packing up quicker then having no juice.  You ever think about how much of the shit you do requires electricity?  It's more then you think, I'll tell you that much.

It got me thinking about when I was a kid and I used to jump inside the dumpster behind Tower Records, hunting for old porno mags.  Sure, the covers were all ripped off but what was I supposed to do?  Ask some weird creep to go inside the liquor store and pick me up a skin mag?  I don't think so.  What would I have even asked the dude to get?  That's the beauty of dumpster porn - you don't choose the mag, the mag chooses you. 

Unfortunately, this whole dumpster adventure culminated with my mom walking into my room, only to find me shoving a drawer shut, with speed that would make Usain Bolt's dick hard.  It was only after she opened the drawer, and discovered what was inside, that my whole "airing myself out" story went up in smoke.  

I'm sure glad this power outage was only temporary, because I thought i blocked out that memory a long time ago.  

Charmin - Soft on the pocket, hard on the ass.

Whats up players?  It's only been a bit since I threw some knowledge your way but times have been rougher then the toilet paper I've been getting from 7-11. 

I know what you're thinking, "Boosh, why don't you just go downstairs to Starbucks and take a dump there like you normally do?" Well if you read the post  and already forgot, let me remind you.  I moved. The only store close to here is 7-11 and the highest grade TP they've got is a 4 roll for 2 dollar special of Charmin.  This has taught me one thing. If you're at a grocery store, remember to pick up some of that extra soft stuff.  Theres a time to be savin and a time to be spending, but when it comes to wiping your ass you should spare no expense. 

I'm sure people who know me are asking yourselves "why doesn't he just ask his girlfriend to pick some up?"  There's a short answer to this one - she's fed up with my shit. It seems the easy express has decided to stop short and they're kicking off the only passenger on it. Sure, the rent is cheap and I get a lot of alone time, but when it comes time to cut the brown snake loose I'd be better off using a sock.  Like the song says, "you don't know what you've got till it's gone," and nothing makes that more clear then wiping your ass with some glorified sandpaper.  

I give Charmin zero stars and i'd give 7-11 less if that were possible. They have the nerve to sell their taquitos and week old hot dogs with no regard to what happens later.  Sure, your mouth might say yes, but your ass will bitch about it later, I'll tell you that much.  That Obama promised some sort of change and I think I just might have found the place for him to start.

I really gotta get my shit together.

Whats up players!? Hope all has been well because it sure hasn't been going so hot over here.  The shit creek has finally overflown all over the boosh homestead. 

To start things off, I moved about a month ago.  Now sure, this might not seem like a big deal to most of you but it's really interfering with my school.  Now, instead of an easy downhill skate to the bus stop, I have to go about 4 more blocks then normal.  Boosh may be a lot of things, but highly motivated sure as hell ain't one of them.  So now I gotta find a way to haul ass out of bed and skate to the bus stop by 1:30 in the afternoon.  Mixing two parts laziness and one life crushing hangover sure as shit does not show up in the recipe for success.  Needless to say, I haven't been running at my full potential.

On top of that off my bus pass is about to expire.  So now even if I get juiced up enough to leave the house, it's gonna be up to me and my own two legs to get me there.  Sure, I could pay for the bus, but you think I'm made of money?  I can't think of five places I'd want to go that's worth the $3 round trip fee.  If I wanted to pay money to sit in closed quarters with a bunch of crackheads, bums and aggressive maniacs, I'd just go buy a drink at some shitty bar in Echo Park.  Looks like this winters going to be a lonely one, because I don't see me leaving the house much.

I could get someone to pick me up, but that's a tricky situation.  It seems everyones got something better to do then spend some time with yours truly.  Seems like yesterday that if I was in need of a good party buddy I could just call up Tom and he'd be over with a 12'r ready to go.  Now that he got his new job though it seems like Tom's a little to busy to stop and hang with his ol pal Boosh.  Everyday is "my boss wants this" or "I have to work until 11."  God, it never ends with this guy.

To top it all off, I went into the bathroom today and found my last two rolls of toilet paper had jumped off the back of the tank and into the bowl.  Maybe they couldn't stand the thought of being pressed against my ass, and if that's the case, who could blame them.  I'm actually kind of glad, because I've been getting real sick of that particular brand, but I'll let you know more about that next time.